对酒当歌,人生几何?

清晨坐进温暖的自习室, 手捧一杯热豆浆, 眼前灯光柔和仿若隔世, 我像是回到了在科大的日子——其实也不太像, 在科大时就没怎么努力过, 那时连临时抱佛脚都三心二意. 可总觉得这通透的灯光照透了过往的某些片断——耳朵里响着的是朴树的《在希望的田野上》：

“快些仰起你苍白的脸吧
快些松开你紧皱的眉吧
你的生命她不长
不能用她来悲伤
那些坏天气
终于都会过去
”

这还是《我去2000年》的古早专辑里的歌，可转眼就已经2010了，弹指一挥间。我想起喜儿的背影，那个至今为止我遇到过的最有赤子之心的女孩，想起她在熄灯后教我唱白桦林，想起二十岁上下我们不止一次谈到理想与迷惘，再到快两年前久未见面却同时在心中有了能为社会做些什么的模糊疑问——纵使一路空洞不切实际，却是实实在在的赤子之心；也许略显矫揉造作，回头望去却扑鼻而来满是年轻的气息。

“人们都是这样匆忙地长大
那些疑问从来没有人回答
就让他们都去吧
随着风远远去吧
让该来的来
我们在这里等待
我们就这么唱，唱
”

爸爸大病一场，算是鬼门关走了一趟——虽然我没理由添乱不应该分心，可也确确实实消沉了一个月。然后某天，突然就觉得双手充满了力量。活了二十多年，早就是个大人了。再过二十年，半截都入土了。说慢，不过是两个弹指一挥间。昨晚跟妈妈反复念叨那句，“对酒当歌，人生几何？譬如朝露，去日苦多”。叹气之余，却从未觉得人生脉络如此之清晰。

“那些东西大麻都不能给你
那些风雨你也别想去逃避
就让他们都去吧
随着风远远去吧
让该来的来
我们在这里等待
我们就这么唱，唱
”

那些纷繁的，那些浮躁的，那些忧伤的，那些脆弱的。那些宁静的，那些隐忍的，那些明媚的，那些坚强的。关于未来，就请你坦然，不要离开，不用离开。

“都会好的 总会有的
那些风雨 还有阴霾
关于未来 请你坦然
不要离开 不要离开
请你等待”

爸爸五十四岁生日快乐：）





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Form Itself Is Emptiness; Emptiness Itself Is Form

I asked Buddha: How to make people's hearts not feeling lonely any more?
Buddha said: Every heart is born lonely and incomplete.
I asked Buddha: If run into someone worthy to love, but afraid of being unable to handle, what to do?
Buddha said: How much love should be left to this world, in order to confront the countless changes of life.
I asked Buddha: How can be as wise as you are?
Buddha said: Buddha used to be human, human is the future Buddha.

I asked Buddha: Why it always snows when I am in grief?
Buddha said: Winter almost passes by, just to keep some memories.
I asked Buddha: Why everytime the snow comes in the evenings I hardly can take notice of?
Buddha said: People always miss the true beauty at those unwitting moments.
I asked Buddha: So is there any more snow recently?
Buddha said: Don't just gaze at the season, but miss this whole winter.






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Everything will be fine

Finally I cry...
The whole sleepless night,
I told myself everything will finally be fine,
He will definitely go through these two weeks and have a surgery,
And we still have so many plans to do together.
I must be strong enough, not adding any pressure to my Mum.
I can do this, I tell myself.

Finally fell asleep this morning
But I dreamed of him
He was sitting on the stairs with Mum at home
Similing but still doesn't have so much words to say
He was trying to give a massage to Mum's back
Mum must be tired, I know...
He saw me,
and we started to discuss the news around the world again
He is always talkable when talking about the big topics
He told me don't be panic about the future
Everything will be fine
He always makes me feel the peace of life
Not in a hurry,
Everything will finally be fine
...

When I woke up,
Finally I cry.
I know, I know,
Everything will be fine.







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May the Deceased Rest In Peace

May the deceased rest in peace...Wish everyone stay strong, stay happy, fulfill your dreams as soon as possible...


Facing the sea with spring blossoms
　　By Hai Zi , two months before his suicide

　　From tomorrow on,
　　I will be a happy man;
　　Grooming, chopping,
　　and traveling all over the world.

　　From tomorrow on,
　　I will care about foodstuff and vegetable,
　　Living in a house towards the sea,
　　with spring blossoms.

　　From tomorrow on,
　　write to each of my dear ones,
　　Telling them of my happiness,
　　What the lightening of happiness has told me,
　　I will spread it to each of them.

　　Give a warm name for every river and mountain,
　　Strangers, I will also wish you happy.
　　May you have a brilliant future!
　　May you lovers eventually become spouse!
　　May you enjoy happiness on this planet!

　　I only wish to face the sea,
with blossoms in this charming spring...




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Miss U All

Surprisingly found this video clip in my youtube account. Just realized it has been almost 3 years... Miss u all.







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A Day In Our Life

I should not listen to this song tonight...
But I listened... Repeatedly...
Still whenever I listen, it makes me feel so moved...
Hardly can I fall asleep, so I try to translate the lyrics.
But from Japanese to English, I guess there are a great many mistakes...

A Day In Our Life

RAP:
Time circulates, days pass by, you've left me for a long time.
Ah, my missings cannot be conveyed, and you would never come back.
But hardly can I forget... All night...
Yo, shining than the sunlight, how bright you really are?
Those cannot be seen due to being close,
I discovered when time had passed by...

Cannot hear your voice, my heart beats me to death.
Want to love you a little more now,
By another me somewhat different from before.
Totally focus in the life way towards you,
Even more than those self-aprobations.
At the time you will find out my changes,
And we finally will meet again someday...

SING:
Ah... Depressed missing will finally come to an end...
Ah... I can express out everything now...
Your tears, your smiles, your everythings,
Hand in hand, I will always be with you...
I wish to feel this way forever...

*****

Songs are always beautiful, but reality is always rough.
Is it because of this we need songs?
Suddenly it reminds me of "A Day In The Life" by Beatles...
Life is so tough, but still we have songs...

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Still Have So Many Things To Learn

"Not Keeping" By Faye Wong


I always feel embarrassed when everytime I have difficulties in explaining something with others. This is not just a simple language problem, I even have this problem with Chinese. After setting off from the center of the life circle, people become more and more difficult to communicate with. As long as you move further along your specific radius, no matter which direction you chose, you are more and more far away from others' radii. This is kind of sad, especially if you still have a dream deep in the heart that you will meet someone who can really understand you.

Let alone those damsel dreams, I know I am too greedy. The problem will certainly become unsolved if you want to share with an American how beautiful the ancient Chinese language is, or tell a Chinese how much you adore the passions come from the Japanese idol culture, or argue with a French anarchist about the Asian philosophy of family and country. Things are complex, languages are barriers, histories are distinct, people are abstruse.

I know we certainly can not make everyone on planete happy at the same time, but still I want to have good communications and vital connections. However, as I learn more from different cultures, things become more difficult. Then I even started to have difficulties in going deeper inside different cultures because of the fear of being abandoned by other groups' of people. --If you want to belong to the whole world, then you belong to nowhere. What a sad truth meanwhile a greedy nature.

But sometimes, the vital connections do appear unexpectedly. Like this weekend, I went to Riverside to visit my friend. Since I don't have a car yet, I went there by train, which is slow but full of fun. I met an old lady on train who was reading a book about Henry VIII's last wife. The book became a connection point which led us to a happy conversation about the King's six wives, plus some unofficial history about the English Royal Families. The sunset lighted up the old lady's wrinkled face, as though life was stretching out along those late afternoon sunshines. And the conversation made me remember how much I desired to learn about the whole world in different ways when I decided to change my major.

Then some words from my favorate Japanese writer Haruki Murakami appeared: "I hope my writings could be some kinds of connections which can join up people beneath their daily masks. " My heart felt so warm when I started to think in this way about why there is Music and Art on the planet. At least people are trying to communicate and can somehow connect through the whole human history, at least there are so many tiny but shining points that people get connected with each other, at least I refound some good reasons for continuing my desire towards learning.

Still have so many things to learn, I would be proud if this would be my whole life process and even the ending point. But how about those damsel dreams? Just forget it, who is not lonely on this planet...







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