Still Have So Many Things To Learn

"Not Keeping" By Faye Wong


I always feel embarrassed when everytime I have difficulties in explaining something with others. This is not just a simple language problem, I even have this problem with Chinese. After setting off from the center of the life circle, people become more and more difficult to communicate with. As long as you move further along your specific radius, no matter which direction you chose, you are more and more far away from others' radii. This is kind of sad, especially if you still have a dream deep in the heart that you will meet someone who can really understand you.

Let alone those damsel dreams, I know I am too greedy. The problem will certainly become unsolved if you want to share with an American how beautiful the ancient Chinese language is, or tell a Chinese how much you adore the passions come from the Japanese idol culture, or argue with a French anarchist about the Asian philosophy of family and country. Things are complex, languages are barriers, histories are distinct, people are abstruse.

I know we certainly can not make everyone on planete happy at the same time, but still I want to have good communications and vital connections. However, as I learn more from different cultures, things become more difficult. Then I even started to have difficulties in going deeper inside different cultures because of the fear of being abandoned by other groups' of people. --If you want to belong to the whole world, then you belong to nowhere. What a sad truth meanwhile a greedy nature.

But sometimes, the vital connections do appear unexpectedly. Like this weekend, I went to Riverside to visit my friend. Since I don't have a car yet, I went there by train, which is slow but full of fun. I met an old lady on train who was reading a book about Henry VIII's last wife. The book became a connection point which led us to a happy conversation about the King's six wives, plus some unofficial history about the English Royal Families. The sunset lighted up the old lady's wrinkled face, as though life was stretching out along those late afternoon sunshines. And the conversation made me remember how much I desired to learn about the whole world in different ways when I decided to change my major.

Then some words from my favorate Japanese writer Haruki Murakami appeared: "I hope my writings could be some kinds of connections which can join up people beneath their daily masks. " My heart felt so warm when I started to think in this way about why there is Music and Art on the planet. At least people are trying to communicate and can somehow connect through the whole human history, at least there are so many tiny but shining points that people get connected with each other, at least I refound some good reasons for continuing my desire towards learning.

Still have so many things to learn, I would be proud if this would be my whole life process and even the ending point. But how about those damsel dreams? Just forget it, who is not lonely on this planet...







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Time Goes By And People Lie, Everything Goes Too Fast

After left home at the age of 17, I have experienced too many times of farewells. No matter I left from them, or someone left from me, I am so used to pose a big smile somewhat fake, and hugs too. But fake is such a difficult thing to tell, even for myself - I can hardly tell it's because I am so scared of farewells that I pretend to be strong, or I choose to be strong to settle down all my griefs in real life.

However, during some moments which seem to be totally isolated from the real life, people's faces do appear before my eyes. They go by, they go by, and they go by... While I am always standing here quietly, apart from different oceans, and naked without any covers. The sky is raining just like last evening, I was walking in the rain and the lights became vague in the air. Then this song appeared in my mind:





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The First Love of A Prostitute

I used to write several Chinese poems related to the love of strippers, prosititutes after several times' hanging around in Montmartre. I just like the conflicting things when they really fall in love. Recently I heard an amazing song by my favorate Japanese singer Sheena Ringo, it's also about the love of a prostitute. It's so touching that I can hardly stop myself starting to write this poem.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaYoYiqUAAQ

The First Love of A Prostitute

Never imagine
When in May dazzling lightnings tear up the cloudless sky
When nameless rays turn the moon shining at midnight
When snowflakes fill in the oceans of June
When the beast screaming out of this bloody balmy dream
Should have never imagined

Let these hands feel the shape of virginal desires
Let these eyes glow as golden falling stars
Let these ears listen to the enchanting banes of Sirens
Let this heart sheds the blood of mine

...

If this is the fate
If that is the ending
If you saw my tears falling into the shape of pearls
Though black not sparkling white






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The Only English Poem I Wrote Before

I guess there are a lot of mistakes and misusing of the words in this poem, or maybe it totally doesn't look like a poem at all. Anyway, still it is the only English poem I ever wrote.

It was written in a metro in Paris in 2008, and the photo was taken in a metro in Beijing in 2007.



METRO

Who's so quiet on the train
Where to be the end of your travel
When you decided to fly away
Why no one can see the wings in shape

How many metros on this world
From those cities' hearts straight and until
How many stars vanishing in cosmos
So faraway for their lonely lights to travel

But why you stick to chasing those bright
We all know planes are just around the planet drawing circles
If that's the sad point on train you are still
If with this reason you live underground inside nameless metros
...

But really
Where is the destination for you to go
Is there blue enough for your blues to fuse
...




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Please Go to Live Concerts

This is a translation of one of my favorate Chinese essays recently, It is written by a celebrity who holds a famous TV show in China. He wrote these to his best friend's baby when she was pregnant. And the writer is also a Bruin who majored in Movies during 1980s. The photo is taken in Vegas last September. It was a wonderful concert held by four extremly famous Chinese singers, can hardly forget it...


Please Go to Live Concerts

Dear baby, why I am always so hostile to television, it's because television always makes you think you have listened to that song, which actually you haven't; it always makes you think you have seen that person, but actually you have not; it always makes you feel you know about disasters and deaths, however, you never know.

Every time when I was so moved in those Lives, later through television, hardly can I recognize they are actually the same events. Television is like a fishing net, it keeps every living creatures in one side, in the other side what can flow out, is just water.

Dear baby, if you have favorate singers in the future, try going to their concerts, staying with the people who love the singers as you do. You never know for how long the singer could be famous, you never know for how long he/she wants to live in this world. The only thing you can do is to make them become part of your memories when they are still there.

There are lots of people whose entire lives are without charming sceneries, that's because they can only flow inside the convenient tubes made by others. Let alone those tubes, you should flow by one fantastic landscape and another, then you will become a broad and peaceful river.